We make choices in relationships all the time. We choose to send that text; sometimes, we choose to ghost. We choose to try again, give second chances or give up.
We make all sorts of decisions: some bad, and some good. We make decisions under the influence; we make decisions with clear minds.
Relationships are sometimes born from a tangle of choices. A seemingly random decision to take the train instead of walking, or stopping somewhere on your way home, can lead to meeting someone pretty damn special.
And, yet, we fail to give ourselves the credit here; a series of events that are a direct result of our own actions are often attributed to “fate” or some lucky coincidence.
Why are we afraid of citing our own choices as magic?
The even bigger problem is that, sometimes, we are waiting for some mythical, hyped-up “moment” instead of trusting ourselves.
We enter each relationship with this thought in the back of our minds: “Maybe he’s the one.” “Maybe she’s my soulmate.”
Instead of allowing ourselves to make it happen, we sit back and look for signs. We search for clues, something bigger to tell us the answer.
As adults in today’s society, we are fully capable of making decisions and owning them. We decide where to live, what careers to pursue and how to spend our time.
However, when it comes to with whom we want to spend our time, we fall back on the fairytale illusion that destiny will lead us to our soul mate. “Someday, my prince will come,” and all that BS.
We put way too much pressure on ourselves, believing that there will be a magical instant where we just know this person is our future. We wait for this cinematic moment — and we wait, and we wait.
For some of us, we wait forever because our expectations are too high. We don’t even realize we’ve been duped by all those rom-coms. Our beliefs are so engraved in our subconscious, we don’t even notice them.
The truth of the matter is, finding a “soul mate” is as much of a choice as it is magic, but that doesn’t take any of the romance out of it. In fact, just the opposite.
There is something altogether powerful about making a decision to love someone; to be able to look at another human and say, “I want you in my life” and mean it in terms of forever.
When we allow our head and our heart to work together instead of constantly being at odds with one another, we achieve the highest sense of control over our lives and our happiness.
By becoming active participants in our own love lives, we are able to combat disappointment and regret.
Instead of passively waiting for those signs to hit us in the face like a flash of neon, we should become better detectives.
We should open our minds to the most subtle of clues, like the ability to simply be quiet with someone, or laugh together at the stupidest things. Those tiny details are often the “signs” we miss.
Once we untangle our false expectations from our realities, we’ll open the door to a new outlook on love and relationships. We don’t really need fate, destiny or any magic at all.
After all, we aren’t Disney princesses; we aren’t under spells that make us sleepy for 100 years, and we aren’t locked in a tower.
There are no fairy godmothers, and woodland creatures aren’t coming to our aid.
We don’t have to wait for anyone to rescue us. We’re fully capable of rescuing ourselves.