What happens when you find out the ex who cheated on you is now marrying the girl he cheated on you with? Not only that, but he also cheated on her with you.
It’s something I found out and had to deal with.
After a two year relationship, we decided we were serious enough about each other to invest in property together, so we bought one and lived happily in it for two years — or so I thought.
He was in the forces, so he was away a lot. Of course I knew what his job entailed, and to many, he was a hero fighting for our country.
But then I found out through total coincidence he was living a double life. He wasn’t just cheating on me every time he went out, he had another girlfriend, another home and another set of friends.
He had been on holiday with her, met her parents, lived with her during the week and came back to me on weekends. Neither of us girls knew.
You’re probably reading this thinking, “Surely you would know?”
Well, yes. I felt stupid when it came to light, and of course I would have hoped I could identify when my boyfriend of four years was lying to my face.
I did, however, know something was wrong. There was one time I spoke to him and complained it had been two months since I’d seen him.
He pulled the “work” card; he would tell me his job is very busy and he would be away a lot, and if I wanted to be with him, I would have to put up with his job coming first.
So, I trusted him. Because that’s what you do; you trust someone until he or she breaks it.
I ended up getting in touch with the other woman. We spoke for hours on end, comparing diaries and matching up the lies. It all made sense now.
When he didn’t come home for two months on weekends like he usually would, it was because he was actually away for half of it, then chose to spend the other half on holiday with her.
She was as devastated as I was. For her, it was their honeymoon period. She was excited about a new relationship and he had met her friends and family. It was a happy time for her.
She of course wouldn’t put up with a man doing that to her, so she told me she was through with him.
She even said she would understand if I wanted to give things another go with him because we were together first.
But there was no chance. Her and I kept in contact and became a sort of support for each other over the next few months.
She wanted to meet up and go out, but it didn’t materialize and our contact fizzled out.
So imagine my shock when, during the selling process (we decided to sell our house), a photo on his WhatsApp presented a photo of them together with a rock on her ring finger.
The poor girl he was living his double life with took him back. He must’ve begged for forgiveness so hard, he fell to one knee and sprouted a diamond.
When I found this out I had no hate, no anger and no resentment toward him after our breakup.
I’ve had the best year of my life since not being in a relationship with him, and being single was exactly what I needed after such a tumultuous time.
However, after our four years together and growing in to my 20s with no hint of marriage on the horizon, I must admit the first emotion I felt was rejection.
Not because I wanted to marry the guy, but because the realization kicked in that he didn’t want to marry me.
You get into a relationship with the vision that it won’t end. Some part of you always hopes your significant other is “the one.”
We obviously weren’t right for each other, which I came to terms with pretty quickly, but it is a bit of a slap in the face all the same.
The next emotion that swept over me was sadness.
I felt sad for her. She was played by him as much as I was. “But he’s my boyfriend,” she sobbed on the phone to me when we discussed the revelation of him leading a double life.
They were only seeing each other for about four or five months before she and I found out the other existed. Yet that seems to be long enough to realize she definitely wanted him to be “forever.”
Eventually, I stopped feeling sad for her and began to think she was nothing but a fool.
I mean, who the hell takes back a man who cheats on you with a girlfriend of four years, who he has a house with and is in the forces working away for most of the year, after just four months of sleeping with him?
I really would understand it slightly more if they met and he told her he was in a relationship with me, but didn’t love me anymore and planned to leave.
At least that way they would have both been honest with me, and most importantly, to each other.
Or if she got pregnant, that’s another valid excuse to marry him, I guess.
But to be cheated on by him, and then marry him is something I will never understand. If I were her family and friends, I would definitely have something to say about it.
It’s at this point where I’m supposed to say I wish them all the happiness in the world and really hope he has changed for her sake, but I’m going to be honest.
I hope she wakes up before the wedding day and realizes what she’s doing before she turns into a possessive wife who challenges his whereabouts at every “working late” excuse.
A leopard doesn’t change its spots as far as I’m concerned, but I’ve yet to be proven wrong.