He’s hot. He’s se*xy. He turns you on high heat when he’s in the room. The crux is that he’s your friend’s ex boyfriend! Here’s why he’s off limits. By Lianne Choo
Top 6 Ultimate Reasons Never to Date a Friend’s Ex
The dating world is a mean one filled with jerks, losers, perverts and guys with tiny members. There is no denying that more and more men are living by the adage, “Hit ‘em then leave ‘em”. Good guys can be pretty tough to come by and no one is faulting you for jumping on the first eligible guy who comes along. [Read: Relationship tips for the single lady]
But what if your dream guy is your friend’s ex?
The first thought that would probably run through your mind is an analysis of the dynamics of your relationship with this friend. Depending on how close you are to her, deciding whether to date her ex could swing either way.
If she is your good friend, then hell no, but if she is a mere acquaintance then there should not be any harm in doing so, right? Wrong. Dating a friend’s ex is a big no-no, even if you don’t know her too well.
The sacrilege is amplified even more if you are close friends. It doesn’t matter how long ago they dated. The statute of limitations does not run out on friendship. It also doesn’t matter who initiated the breakup.
Unless you friend’s ex is Ryan Gosling, there is no reason for you to go out with him. There is a whole world of men out there, at least a solid billion of them, so why the need to pursue anything with this particular guy? [Read: Find out why other guys aren’t approaching you]
Sure, you have to sift out the assholes and this may take time, but is the effort not worth it for everlasting peace of mind? Why saddle yourself up with emotional guilt and drama when you don’t have to? As handsome and funny and hot as he may be, keep in mind that the lust will eventually wear off and you will be stuck dealing with all the snide I-told-you-so’s from pretty much everyone around you.
The 6 in-depth reasons why you shouldn’t date your friend’s ex
Although there are a gazillion reasons why, here are the top 6 reasons why you should avoid dating your friend’s ex.
#1 Downright weird. Doesn’t it bother you that your friend literally had her tongue in his mouth? Doesn’t it bother you that this guy pleasured her the very same way he might pleasure you? Doesn’t it bother you that she was once lying naked on the very same bed that you may end up having s3x on?
The icky factor is certainly a problem and even if you can deal with all of that, what about all the emotional stuff? Even if he tells you everything that ever went down in their relationship, you will never know what sort of emotional connection he had with your friend while they were together.
It’s true that every relationship is different so the things that you do with him may be different from the things that they did together in the past. But in knowing that he’s the same guy she was with, wouldn’t that feel at least a little bit strange?
There’s no point in denying the plain and simple fact that you will be haunted by your friend for the entire term of your relationship with her ex. Plus, there is also the added weirdness of running into her and putting on a show at social gatherings.
#2 Dealing with jealousy. Ask anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a friend’s ex and they will tell you that jealousy will always rear its ugly head. Whether you want to or not, you will always compare yourself to her.
Even people in regular relationships will tell you that being jealous of their partner’s ex flares up every once in a while. How much worse do you think it will be when you personally know his ex and are even friends with her?
She is not just a friend on his Facebook page that you can virtually stalk and delete whenever you want. She is a living, breathing person whom you share a friendship with. It doesn’t mean that you have to date a virgin who was never in a relationship to avoid being jealous. It just means that it’s harder to forget the fact that your boyfriend was once happy with someone whom you also happen to know.
You will always have to deal with the burden of living up to your friend. The bar that she set, no matter how high or low, will always be a hindrance when it comes to moving forward in your relationship. [Read: 6 little ways to keep yourself from getting jealous]
#3 More fights. There is no doubt that you will encounter more fights in this relationship than any other. Whether it’s disagreeing about going to a party just because you know his ex is going to be there or arguing with him about throwing out certain things because it reminds you of her, stupid fights will crop up.
Keep in mind that arguing will happen not just with your boyfriend, but also with the friend who used to date him, as well as with other friends you have in common. You may even be ousted from your pack of girlfriends, so be prepared for that. The ex-factor is a big deal when it comes to cliques and if they think you’re selfish enough to betray a friend, they’ll certainly believe you deserve the heartache and drama that comes with the territory.
#4 You can end up losing both. There is a saying that friendships outlast relationships and although it’s not the case and point every time, it certainly rings true very often. By delving into a romantic relationship with a friend’s ex, you have to keep in mind that there is a possibility of the relationship ending eventually. [Read: 12 real reasons couples drift apart]
The saddest part about it all is that you will have to mourn not just the loss of your boyfriend, but of your friend as well. You two ladies will never be able to pick up where you left off. So if you are willing to sacrifice a great friendship for a roll in the hay, then by all means, it’s your prerogative.
#5 Picking sides. Dating a friend’s ex is a bad idea not just for you, but for the friends you have in common. Things will never be the same again, not just between you and your friend, but also within the group. The same way it’s a bad idea to date someone within your core circle of friends, it’s also a bad idea to date a friend’s ex because sides will be chosen, battles will be won and lost, and things can never go back to the way they once were.
By dating a friend’s ex, you’re indirectly and quite selfishly asking your common friends to pick sides because when it comes down to it, you crave the support and approval of people who are important to you. If in case you do go through with dating the guy, get yourself ready for the possibility that your circle of friends won’t be on your side.
#6 Kills the intimacy. This is especially true if you had a close relationship with the friend in question. She probably would have told you everything about this guy during one of your many girly chats. From his habits, things he loves doing, favorite food, dark secrets, the way he is in bed and so on.
Dating someone whom you already have the lowdown on kind of kills the excitement and intimacy that comes with dating someone new. The whole magical journey of getting to know someone and falling in love is tainted by the fact that you had a head start in that department and you got all that info through his ex. How morbid.
Sure, you may justify this by saying that it’s good to know what you are getting yourself into, but wouldn’t you rather find these things out for yourself?
[Read: Attract other more eligible guys with these 13 tips!]
At the end of the day, it’s up to you to be with a friend’s ex, especially if you think this is your chance at being happy in love. However, always remember that dating a friend’s ex comes with risks. If you can take the consequences, then by all means, go for it!