The Difference Between Looking For Love And Looking For A Conquest

Are you dating for love or for an ego boost?

You say you’re ready for a real relationship and that love is a priority for you, but you keep having these meaningless interactions with the opposite sex and you don’t understand why.

It may be that the conquest has become more important to you than actually finding someone to connect with. This is all happening because somewhere along the line you began to feed your ego instead of your heart.

The conquest comes in many forms. From the harmless to destructive to either you or the conquered, here are the most common ways you are boosting your ego instead of your love life:

The Self-Esteem Boost:

You’re bored on the couch and decide to hop on a dating app. A few swipes later, you start responding to people you’d normally never talk to just because you needed a boost in your self-esteem. While it may seem harmless, you just wasted their time and yours because you never had the intention to take them seriously in the first place. You just wanted to feel good about yourself.

I Can Have You If I Want You:

You met someone and maybe they’re out of your league or they tell you that you’re not their usual type. Don’t they know who you are? Have they met you? You’re everyone’s type. A light bulb automatically goes off in your head and you decide that you have to prove to both them and yourself that if you wanted them, you can have them. Never mind the fact that you don’t actually like them.

Sexual Validation:

This conquest, more often common in men, normally goes hand in hand with the former conquest of I can have you if I want you. You’ve gone out with this person a couple of times, or maybe they are a total stranger, but you want to prove that you can sleep with them, even though there’s clearly no real connection or an opportunity for more between the two of you.

I Can Change You:

I’m so amazing that I can change you is the conquest women most often find themselves chasing. You know he’s unavailable and that you can do better, but you want to validate how great you are by changing or fixing him. All that time you lost trying to change him and he’s still not ready? At the end you end up feeling worse about yourself than when you started.

If you are truly looking for love, you have to let your ego go and date with a purpose. You should only go after the types of connections you aspire to have in your life in the long term.

The next time you are looking to conquer someone new, ask yourself this; what are my intentions here? Are they in line with what I’m looking for in a relationship? Am I trying to validate myself or is this person someone I can actually see myself with?

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