What if your Mr. Right looks nothing like what you imagined? What if all it takes is a simple shift to find him? I went through a string of broken, painful relationships before I married my husband of 20+ years. But, I could never have met him and made it work if I hadn’t made some important changes first. Let me tell you my story and show you how you can find lasting love, too:
Taking off my chemistry-colored glasses.
Before I met my husband, I would let the initial chemistry I felt with a man blind me to his red flags. I would accept bad behavior and stay in half-relationships far too long. I forced myself to work hard for men who weren’t good to me, and settling for meager crumbs, rather than demanding the whole meal.
But, real chemistry develops over time—after getting to know a man, feeling safe with him, and sharing real intimacy. To develop real chemistry and lasting intimacy with a man, I had to think differently about who I choose to date. I realized that I was going to keep repeating the same old patterns if I kept choosing the same kinds of men.
So, I forced myself to choose differently. I took off my chemistry-colored glasses and opened myself up to different kinds of men, which is when I met my husband …
What my husband actually looked like.
My husband wasn’t my type—not even close. When I met him, I didn’t consider him a real prospect. He just didn’t “look” like what I had always imagined my husband would be. I wasn’t particularly attracted to him. He was the nice guy. But, because I’d taken off my chemistry-colored glasses, I gave him a chance.
Surprisingly, he treated me better than any of the other men of my past. He courted me, wooed me, and showered me with affection. This is when I started “seeing” my husband differently. Unlike other men who I had to chase and cajole for affection and kindness, he really liked me.
Learning how to receive love.
Because I had been constantly settling for the wrong man and working hard for love, I didn’t know how to handle my husband’s devotion and kindness.
I had been so used to being the giver that his attention felt uncomfortable to me. But, his patience and kindness showed me how wonderful it is to receive love, not just give it. And, that I was selling myself short by working so hard for crumbs in my past.
I learned I could trust in his feelings and kindness. I learned to feel safe with him. And before I knew it, I was completely in love with a man who loved me right back. That’s when I knew I had my Mr. Right.
I urge you to widen your focus when it comes to the men you choose. Chemistry is a very misleading emotion. If a man shows interest in you but you’d normally reject him because he doesn’t initially give you butterflies in your stomach, do something different. Talk with him, go out with him. I’m willing to bet you’ll surprise yourself the way I did.