Today, we shall discuss a worldwide phenomenon; an occurrence that has plagued members of the male folk for centuries now. One of the hardest things for us as guys to do is say the right words to a woman we like. Let’s be real, in that moment when you’re in her presence, you wanna ensure your words are laced with gold. You wanna make sure your words have the capacity to put some sort of smile on her face. You want her to giggle, to laugh…because if you can genuinely make her laugh, then my nigga you’re half way there.
However what we want is sh.it compared to what we really do or say…
At that time, our brain gets clouded by a thousand and one thoughts all at once and we begin to foam at the mouth. Our heart begins to rattle like the soundtrack of Drumline or a Neptunes production. Basically, we become slow. How on earth then do we initiate conversation? What pickup lines do we use? Do we throw on our faux Harvey Spector swag or just stick to our Sheldon Cooper geekiness?
I should probably talk about the things you really shouldn’t do.
1. “Tell me about yourself” – It doesn’t matter if it’s a date or a mobile conversation, this phrase is for INTERVIEWS not informal meetings. Some may say there’s nothing wrong with it but truth is; it’s a cliché, selfish way of getting to know a person. If you ask me this, I could say “I’m 50, retired 419 kingpin who found Jesus and now wants to live right” Thing is, anyone can give you a story. Best bet is to ask direct questions that improve CONVERSATION than leave one person to do all the talking. If that’s boring, you could suggest you play a game where you guess stuff about the other person and see how many you get right.
Quick tip: You don’t have to guess stuff like “you’re the first child” etc Make it steamy like “you’re wearing a thong right now” I’m sorry if she gets up and walks away or hangs up the phone, she was never good enough tbh. HAHA
2. Ditch the pick-up lines. “Your father must be Osama cos you’re the bomb” … really? REALLY? “The spaces between your fingers were made so that mine will fit it” ARE YOU SMOKING EXPIRED PANADOL?!! “Heaven must be weeping because they’ve lost an angel” The only thing lost here seems to be your brain DPMO!!! If I was the girl, I’d probably just do away with the convo at this point. Pick-up lines were left behind in the 90’s, don’t make an ass of yourself just cos you want to impress her. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t compliment her but try not to sound like Jim Iyke at the Synagogue deliverance session while at it.
3. So you’ve had a first date and all seems well, Bruhhh I know you’re excited nshit cos you dropped your A- game and you had ol’girl grinning like a Cheshire but lemme hola at you real quick; Sorry to burst yo bubble my man, but now isn’t the time to be all over her like white on rice. A little space don’t kill anyone. Basically man, DON’T BOMBARD HER WITH CALLS OR IMS. Let her breathe. Of course you should check up when you can at intervals but don’t be Mr regular on her Whatsapp or iMessage (notice I didn’t say BBM? I’m an asshole, I know). Because let’s face it, what do you want to talk about all the time? You come across as jobless and clingy. Ladies don’t want that (well, the sensible ones really)
4. Point number 3 always raises the question “So when should I hit her up?” These things don’t have set time stamps man, Just like you know when you gotta go to the loo, it’s similar feelings. The next thing you should never do is live beyond your means. So you’re trying to bag that high class chic but we all know you stay in my side of town and you’ve got my type of money that is planned on per month basis (life is hard my nigga), The best you can do is be real with yourself. Don’t put up fronts because you wanna impress cos the same momentum you start with is the same you’ve gotta maintain. I’m not now saying you should do a buka first date but guy, if na amala and ewedu you fit afford, better find babe wey go happily throwback that amala with you.
So yeah, you’ve done your part and alladat, the ball is eventually in her court, leave it there. I know you wanna know where you stand and all but it’s never a good idea to bombard her. Some of you niggas even start using pictures of her as DP, putting up corny ass status messages, your tweets become Drakish and you just sound like a slowpoke without even trying. My advice? Lean back. If she’s into you, she’ll let you know sooner or later, and if she don’t, it’s ok to eventually ask.
And guys, “No” is an answer.
Abeg I’m tired. Good luck