Side Chick: 61 Thoughts You Have When You Realize You’re The Other Woman

Javier Pardina

It’s the moment no girl wants to face. It’s the moment we all dread. It’s the moment that we truly hope, with every fiber of our being, will never happen to us.

For those of us who have been in this situation, we know how much it f*cking sucks.

I’m talking about the horrible realization you have when you realize you’re the side chick.

It probably happened after one too many shady trips to the bathroom, cell phone in hand or after far too many haphazard excuses he made for not being able to see you.

“I’m just really busy with work, babe.”

“I have to go to St. Louis for work.”

“I’m really tired, gonna hit the hay early.”

“My parents are coming to town to have dinner with me.”

Any of those sentences sound familiar? Finding out you’re a side chick is like taking a full swing to the stomach with a wooden baseball bat. It knocks the wind right out of you.

It’s an out-of-body experience. Nothing feels real. Your entire world comes crashing down in one fell swoop. You’re forced to witness just how weak it was in the first place.

Nothing can really smash your self-esteem like finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you. It’s the most degrading, horrible feeling there is. This is the person you trusted so fully, the guy you fell for so hard. And he’s nothing more than a liar and fraud.

What’s worse is that you feel like it’s partially your fault. How did you not see this coming? How f*cking blind were you that you thought you were the only girl in his life? This POS was scum, but you thought he was perfect.

On top of all of this bullsh*t, you realize you’re not even the MAIN chick. You somehow weren’t even good enough to be the main girl. How f*cked up is that?

It makes you question literally everything in your life. It makes you wonder about the validity of every single decision you’ve ever made.

Nothing can help numb this misery and heartbreak. Well, dancing — and a lot of Chardonnay — helps. But only time can fix a broken heart. It takes a long time to heal from someone punches you right in the f*cking heart.

Here are 61 thoughts every girl has when she finds out she’s the side chick. I really hope this doesn’t happen to any of you ladies. And if it does, f*ck that loser. You are so worth not only main chick status, but ONLY CHIC status.

1. How did I fall for this?

2. Am I really “That Girl”?

3. Am I too naive?

4. Am I stupid?

5. Am I not good enough?

6. Am I ugly?

7. Why am I not the main chick?

8. Do I have a disease?

9. OMG, he is such an irresponsible asshole.

10. Do I even know this person?

11. I hate this main girl, and I don’t even know her.

12. And she hates me.

13. We both have our hate in the wrong place.

14. Whatever, she’s ugly.

15. He’s only with her because she’s ugly, so she isn’t going anywhere.

16. He needs me for the excitement in his life.

17. I am so f*cking angry.

18. How can I kill this f*cker and get away with it?

19. What was he doing on all of those nights he was “going to bed”?

20. What about the times he was “going out of town”?

21. How f*cking dare he do this to me!

22. Am I completely worthless?

23. I need to get about five side dudes now.

24. Am I not girlfriend material?

25. Do I drink too much?

26. Do I party too much?

27. Do I give it up to easily?

28. He makes me feel like I’m going to be destined to always be a sidechick.

29. He never even gave a f*ck about me.

30. He doesn’t respect me.

31. Do I even deserve respect?

32. What is it about her that makes her better than me?

33. Is he really going to marry a girl he’s so willing to cheat on?

34. Is there a f*cking sign on my head that says “I MAKE A GREAT SIDE CHICK!”??

35. Maybe if we’d met at a different time, this wouldn’t have happened.

36. I need to stop dating finance douchebags.

37. I need to stop dating losers in general.

38. F*ck men.

39. I have horrible taste in men.

40. I’m going to be alone forever.

41. #foreversidechick

42. What is wrong with this asshole that he needs another girl?

43. Why would a guy need more than me?

44. Should I really end it?

45. Is being alone really worth it?

46. Is breaking up with him better than just dealing with this?

47. Maybe I could handle it?

48. Omg, F*CK THAT.

49. I’m f*cking fabulous.

50. Right?

51. Right?!

52. It’s not me who isn’t good enough.

53. It’s him who isn’t good enough.

54. Obviously, if he needs multiple girlfriends, he has issues.

55. Maybe he just has a small dick, so he wants to use on a bunch of people.

56. He’s clearly compensating for SOMETHING.

57. F*ck him.

58. Seriously.

59. I may not love myself right now…

60. …but he doesn’t love himself.

61. He’s filling the hole in his heart with vag1nas.

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