There are a lot of things women do to look better than we men — the ones who love you and think you’re beautiful already — never even notice. You know, the inch-shorter-haircut, the slightly-pinker-than-usual blush, the black eyeliner instead of the blackest black eyeliner.
But there is one thing women do in the name of vanity that we do notice occasionally … and we only notice it when it’s awful. What is it?
I’ve started to notice a growing trend where girls are shaving (or waxing, or tweezing, or threading, as my girlfriend explained to me) off their real eyebrows. Which is bad, because you’re supposed to, you know, have eyebrows. And then it gets worse: Now that their real eyebrows are gone, women are replacing them with new shapes on their faces that are supposed to look like eyebrows, but end up looking more like those things Spanish people put over some of their letters (accent marks, as my girlfriend explained to me). Maybe this has been going on for a long time, but I’ve started to notice it recently. It’s weird, because guys don’t really care about eyebrows in general.
Basically, as long as you have two eyebrows, you’re doing ok. A girl can have big eyebrows, small eyebrows, whatever. As long as they look like real eyebrows, we’ll be ok with them. We probably won’t even notice them, to be honest. Also, if you get them done and they turn out really nice, we still won’t notice them. (I explained this to my girlfriend after she was very excited about having hers threaded. They looked good, but they looked, well, the same. Like eyebrows.)
You know what we will notice about your eyebrows? When they come out wrong. I’ve seen it a bunch of times where a girl will shave off her real eyebrows and then draw new ones on in a new spot, and that never works out. Suddenly, your eyebrows are a thing. It’s so confusing. Also, sometimes girls get them waxed, threaded or tweezed into new shapes, which is super weird. I’ve seen girls give their eyebrows an unnatural arch, or give the front a swoop. If that makes you feel better, then fine. If you’re doing it because you think that guys will appreciate it more then the real ones, then I’m sorry. We just won’t.
Here’s the thing, messing with your e-brows (I just coined that, you’re welcome) is all risk and no reward. Just go natural with the e-brows (once again, you’re welcome). I guarantee you that they’re fine. If not, then who cares? Real eyebrows are better than clown e-brows. Every single time.
Like I said, if it makes you feel better about yourself, then do whatever you want. If you feel more confident with your eyebrows an inch higher on your face than they’re supposed to be, than you do you. If that confidence is coming from you thinking guys like this, then I’m sorry, but we’re not into that. You shouldn’t have two sperms staring each other down on your face. (At least, not in terms of brow shape. Whatever else you do with sperm is your business.)