“He’s just not my type.” This is something we women know all too well.
Sorry, guys, but if we settle for you, how will we be available for McDreamy when he arrives? It’s little insensitive, but we like what we like. And we can’t help that we took those M*A*S*H games so seriously in grade school.
People always say, “Fight for what you want,” and if Carrie Bradshaw landed the guy of her dreams, anything is possible right?
Unlike Carrie Bradshaw, we haven’t been given eight imaginary TV years and two movies to chase the man of our dreams. That’s just too much unnecessary cardio.
But if we choose to follow in her footsteps and push away potentially great men with the hopes of landing “Mr. Big,” then we are the cause of our own relationship nightmares.
Could you be confusing your standards with preferences? Is your comfort zone possibly hindering you from new romantic adventures?
Here’s how having a “type” may be the cause of your dating downfall:
1. You’re categorizing “the one”
Congratulations, you’ve successfully put your soul mate in a box!
You’ve built your ideal partner as if you were building a bear, with hopes of long-term benefits. Well, keep waiting because when you date with a specific preference in mind, you will never meet someone who will fully match your unattainable requests.
Your future companion may look and act the complete opposite of what you want, but you would never know that because you limited your dating pool.
There are plenty fish in the sea, but if you only want a specific one, good luck finding it.
2. You’re limiting your happiness by what others may think
Have you ever thought about the reasons behind your preferences? What’s the real motive behind your mate needing to have a college degree and be over six feet tall?
Is it because you’re worried about what your peers may think, or is it because their education and height reassures you they’re an awesome person who can truly love you?
These are the questions you need to be honest with yourself about before you can feel entitled to demand these things from other people.
3. You’re allowing your ego to tell your heart what it deserves
As women, we look for security and stability in our mates, whether it’s emotional, physical, financial or sexual. But, if we allow our false mind to control our real thoughts, we will never be satisfied.
The heart needs love, communication, trust, support and faithfulness — not fortune, social status or materialistic things.
Our ego is a perception of who we think we are supposed to be. It attaches itself to characteristics that have nothing to do with our true identity and human needs.
So get over yourself and out of your head.
4. You’re working against the universe’s plans for your love life
Every time you reject the nice guy, you add three more months to your single life.
Okay, so that’s not a fact, but that’s exactly how the universe takes it.
When life brings someone your way who is totally out of your comfort zone, it’s a test from the cosmos to see if you can handle even an ounce of what you’re asking for.
You want someone who is patient, observant and treats you right? Well, how will you know what any of that feels like if you can’t get out of your own shallowness to find out?
5. You’re looking for a happily-ever-after instead of enjoying the right now
This happens to be our biggest dating downfall. We are constantly thinking about the future, so much so that we get caught up in attaching results to every little thing. This means you can’t even enjoy the present for what it is.
Every fling you encounter isn’t going to escalate into love. Someone’s purpose in your life may be small or monumental, but it’s the universe’s job to reveal this purpose.
6. You’re enabling your own bad dating habits
Having a type is the definition of insanity.
If you’re choosing to date people with similar characteristics as your past partners, then you’re sealing the fate of your own relationship woes. There is nothing new about your formula, so there won’t be anything new about the results.
When you stay within your comfort zone, not only are you enabling your own bad habits, you’re also creating a predictable love life with little resistance to change yourself.
That’s a cowardly way to date. If you want more out of your love life, you’re going to have to be willing to switch your outlook on meeting new people.
7. You’re allowing someone else to have the upper hand in the relationship
When you date with a preference in mind, you tend to hold those preferences right above your standards. You treat your partner as if he’s your prized possession.
He starts to pick up on your eagerness and gains more control of the relationship and your emotions. This is a double-edge sword.
Sometimes, the person we want the most can bring out the worst in us. When we finally get the person we want, we put him on too high of a pedestal, which gives him reasons not to value us the same way.
We unleash our worst qualities around him: jealousy, anger, dependency and insecurity. These are all the things our predestined soul mate is suppose to tame.
Sometimes our type in dating is a smoking mirror for happiness. Let go of your dream guy and just enjoy the people who want to be with you.