When dating with a purpose, the single most important question you should ask and be able to answer honestly on your first date is what are you looking for? It’s never too early to get your intentions out of the way and see whether they align with a new or potential partner.
I’ve seen both men and women get really uncomfortable, even when I as their coach ask them that question. But if you don’t know what you want, what are you on the date for in the first place?
It’s time to stop living in fear of asking the hard questions. It’s time to put our big girls and big boy pants on and get honest with one another.
I wanted to get married and I had no problem telling my dates that I was dating with that intention. Most women ask me if that will scare him away? Well, that brutal honesty didn’t keep any of them from asking me out on a second date. Even the ones who didn’t know if they were ready appreciated my candor, and wanted to see where things would go.
If it does scare him away, he wasn’t ready for you anyway. By being honest right from the start I gave them an out. As I told them, I’m looking for a serious relationship that can turn into marriage and kids. I’m not desperate to the point where I’ll choose anyone. I’m looking to fall in love with the right guy and I’m exploring my options on who my partner will be. It may very well not be you and I will never pressure anyone to do something they’re not ready for, but if that sounds like a possibility for you, we should keep going.
My ability to share candidly what I was looking for opened up a space for them to share what they wanted with me. Some had no idea what they wanted, others were just out of a relationship, and a few wanted what I wanted.
Those are the guys that would get the second date.
If you’re not looking for marriage, that’s OK too. Maybe you want someone to explore a new city with or you want to just have some fun after a breakup? There are plenty of people who are also seeking that type of relationship.
Being honest from the very beginning with each other will save you both some time and for one of you some heartache.