No, you shouldn’t be masturbating (despite what doctors say); rather, you should be masturdating.
According to Urban Dictionary, masturdating is defined as simply “going out alone.” For example,
“Bro, my girl didn’t want to go out with me, so I had to masturdate. I’m a chronic masturdater.”
Haven’t we all been there at one point or another? We went out to see the latest movie alone, ate at that new restaurant a few miles down the road alone or bought that new outfit and shoes alone.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we have all been there — some more than others — but masturdating is not always a bad thing.
In fact, masturdating can have its benefits, which leads me to believe everyone, including those in relationships or just living the single life, should at least try masturdating. Here’s why:
You have time for personal reflection.
Life means working countless hours (at a place you most likely hate) for a check that has 10 percent (but most likely more) going toward taxes and 70 percent going toward bills.
Yeah, life can be a beautiful butterfly, carelessly fluttering through green pastures alongside an instance of beautiful spring elegance.
But, life can also be a pestering gnat terrorizing your summer family picnic, crawling on your food and in your drink, accompanied by a million others solely intended to disrupt your peace.
More than often, while journeying this one-time affair, we are familiar with the latter.
So, as life throws Randy-Johnson-esque curveballs, fastballs and change-ups, we should always find an escape from reality, and a moment for deep, solo pondering.
Is there a better way to do this than to pick up the car keys, leave the house and drive to a predetermined destination for some well-deserved solitude?
Find somewhere to think about everything from family drama to ultimately deciding whether real mayonnaise or Miracle Whip tastes better.
Let out some leftover stress that hinders your ability from joining the gym.
Or, go see a comedy movie, actually join a gym and get in shape, or even journal thoughts at the nearest park.
Do anything to personally reflect on this God-given curse and blessing called “life.” You’ll discover a certain peace that surpasses always having someone around.
You save money.
This may sound selfish at first, but, trust me, it makes sense. Whether you are committed to someone or looking to be committed soon, riding solo does save you some extra cash.
In a time when everyone is desperately trying to save money and use coupons galore, you can’t go wrong by paying for one rather than two.
I suppose this is may be more from a guy’s perspective. Many people believe paying for the woman when going out to the movies, eating out or adventuring is the chivalrous thing to do.
But, ladies ditching their group of friends who are looking for “night out” won’t spend unnecessary money on those overpriced lime-cherry mojitos. Save some green, and go out alone sometimes.
You’re awarded some much-needed rest.
Let’s face it: You’re tired — really tired. According to a Gallup poll, nearly 40 percent of Americans get less than the recommended amount of sleep (8 hours), and adults under the age of 50 are most likely sleep-deprived.
That means many young Americans struggle with fatigue, an inability to focus and concentrate, low amounts of energy and more due to lack of sleep.
We all know sleep is important, and in an environment where “more work, less sleep” is required, it is difficult to experience a good night’s rest.
Having a night to yourself with Netflix playing in the background as you lay your head on a comfy pillow and catch up on some z’s would be greatly beneficial.
Take a Friday evening off just to rest your body — and only your body. You will be thankful you did.
I acknowledge being a hermit and socially inactive can be harmful to someone’s mental state.
However, there are instances when you just need to be alone from it all. Masturdating provides just that.
Treat yourself — by yourself, for yourself and with yourself. Masturdating isn’t always bad, so don’t view it as such.