You and your girlfriends get together for a girl’s night out and you all wonder, why do I always attract the wrong guys? Your friends tell you that you are an amazing catch, but you seem to continue dating guys who are losers, weirdoes, and men who are too busy to see you, or never call when he says he will.
The biggest dilemma I see with so many of my looking-for-love female clients is attracting the wrong men who leave them feeling disrespected and unloved. But, there is a positive side to meeting these people.
First, I want to talk about why this is happening:
3 Reasons Why You Attract Mr. Wrong
1. You focus on the problems. You over-analyze what used to go on in the relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Talking things out does help women release oxytocin, and it is a helpful form of processing on some level; but, focusing on the problems you did have keeps the old relationship headaches showing up in the new men you are meeting and dating.
2. Your online dating profile isn’t up to par. Your online dating profile doesn’t show enough of your preferences to weed out the men who do not have the standards you are looking for. Another problem I’ve seen in women’s profiles is leaving the men out of the picture all together. We often are only thinking about what we want. We also need to think abou his side of the story and listen to what he is really saying.
3. You commit to him before he commits to you. This it the most common thing that happens to so many women. You assume he wants to see your eyes only. It doesn’t matter how stunning you look in that dress tonight; if you are seeing him exclusively and he’s not seeing you exclusively, it isn’t as much fun for him to “catch” you. He’s already “caught” you without doing any legwork.
How can you fix this? Here are some quick looking-for-love fixes to find Mr. Right:
1. Make a tally of positive aspects. Compose a list of all of your old boyfriends, husbands, and even male friends’ traits that you find s*xy and attractive. Then, don’t focus on what is going on now; focus on what you do want in your life, and what kind of man you want to meet.
Here are some examples of traits you might have in your list:
- He calls to say he’s running late
- He is marriage-minded.
- I feel respected when I spend time with him.
- He listens when I talk.
- That ex-boyfriend and I had great chemistry, and that felt really good.
- He bought me flowers when there wasn’t even a holiday.
- He loves his family.
These are the positive things. Make the good memories of the past your focus for an even better future, and appreciate where you are. The law of attraction is action. If it feels bad when you think about it, tone it down until you can read the list and it feels good.
2. Have great pictures and an amazing profile. If you are looking for love online, make sure to take the men into consideration without losing yourself. You want your needs met, and I can guarantee that he does, too. Give him a taste of what if will be like in your presence. In your profile, don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and your sensuality, but also make it geared toward the right kind of guy, not just any man.
3. Take your time. Allow yourself, and any potential partner you are dating, to get to know each other slowly. Without having s*x on the table (pun intended), you will be thinking clearly. When your emotions are taking over, this will help you get the relationship you want; men are wired differently than us and can handle casual s*x. Men can have crazy fun s*x friends more easily than a lot of women.
When many of my clients sleep with a man too early, they start to feel bonded and this really is a chemical concoction coming into play between the sheets, and in your body. When women have s*x, it’s not just feelings; it’s science, our bodies, and our hearts all wrapped up in a hormone love brew that makes us feel those feelings of attachment, wishing we had something deeper. Love is starting to bubble inside of us, and not always in him.
The best part of having these experiences with the wrong men is to give us clarity in our hearts and souls of what we really want to ask the universe to bring us. So, ask for what you want.
When we get clear in our thinking of what we really want, and make a conscious effort to feel good as much as possible, the love we want will be right around the corner. He is getting ready for you, and when you meet, it will be worth the wait.