You’re human, which means letting go is painful, but you can use this energy to fuel a new you. Here are 10 ways to bring yourself to accept it’s over and make room for the new wonderful experiences that await you. Replaying “I miss him so much” in your head and thinking about how happy you once were isn’t going to help you.
Empower yourself today to let him go, and find your mojo again by doing the same things other people have done in your situation which actually work! Say goodbye to the blues and hello to your s*xy goddess self!
1. How to know when it’s time to let go
If he’s not returning your calls and you don’t feel like he wants to see you, then it’s time to move on. There’s no point in hurting yourself thinking he will be in your future, so you might as well plan on looking to new horizons which can be very exciting.
If you two have been on and off for a while, it’s a pretty clear sign that the relationship is not a healthy one. When things have been really rocky it’s important for your own happiness not to force things.
If he is not making an effort to communicate with you or you see him out with other people, girl you’re better than that, stop pining over him and set your sights on something that won’t make you miserable. I suggest cutting off all communication so your mind can stop focusing on him all together.
2. Allow yourself to grieve
Even though you miss him and have decided you need to let go of him, allow yourself to feel the hurt. You need to recognize your emotions and allow them to be felt, but don’t attach yourself to them. I like to tell myself, “oh yeah this is what utter despair feels like and I’m glad this is temporary.”
Focus on the fact that emotions are temporary and will pass, especially if you take some time to self-heal by booking a spa day or pampering yourself with a delicious meal and a movie. Buy yourself something and treat yourself. You won’t find happiness in retail therapy but you can remind yourself that you’re worth it and treat yourself like the queen that you absolutely are!
3. The chemistry solution
You need to get your endorphins released through exercise so you don’t get depressed. Don’t sit on the couch and mope. Put on some funky music and dance. Chemically speaking, our brains were getting a fix from our man’s affection, now we need to get it elsewhere, and that is from the gym and healthy food.
If you eat junk food, those chemical withdrawals are only going to get worse. Maybe cleanse with three green smoothies per day and lose that relationship weight. You need to get your heart pumping and sweat it out!
Don’t give into your urges to sleep all day because it will throw your body out of whack. Also, don’t stay out all night partying, trying to ‘numb the pain.’ Try to act normal and don’t give into your urges to binge on ice cream or macaroni and cheese because they will seriously only make you feel worse.
What is NOT a good chemistry solution is medicating with anti-depressants because it doesn’t allow you to build the tools you need to really keep yourself happy. Happiness is a decision and just like no one can make you happy, a pill can’t either.
4. The makeover
We don’t need to find happiness in our exterior appearance, but focusing on making some fun wardrobe upgrades and finding fun glitter and color to incorporate into your accessories can brighten your day and remind you to remain positive. Do your makeup all glam style and invite your girls over for some fun. It’s time to focus on something else.
Maybe go to a nice department store and have someone do your makeup and offer you a new look. They will give you techniques to create a dramatic smokey look or a classic chic look. Just have fun with it! It’s time to be out with the old and in with the new. Donate clothes that make you think of him and go thrifting for new fun stuff!
Give your room a makeover and move the furniture around. You’re starting a new positive chapter in your life and you don’t need anything in it that brings you down!
5. The shift of perspective
It’s time to make a list of your goals and the steps you need to take to get you there. Then you need to execute, plan out your time and put some structure and discipline into your day. Once you distract yourself you’ll find you think about him less and less. You will stop being addicted to thinking about him and be able to focus on you!
Make a list of things that you would be excited to do in your life. What do you need to do to accomplish those things? Do you need to take a class? Do you need to read some books? Sign up for class and buy those books! Life is too short to be wasted sulking over one boy.
Now it’s time to supercharge your emotions to shift how you feel. Get your hands on as much funny stuff as you can. Watch some stand-up comedy, watch funny movies, get yourself in a funny mood and send some funny stuff to your friends.
Humor is the way out and you can’t keep taking your life so seriously my friend! You need to lighten up and laugh, a lot. Laughter helps you feel optimistic about the future and let go of icky emotions like anger.
Get some things that will remind you to be positive. I like to put positive quotes around where I will see them, and then I like to send lots of positive energy out to my friends to support them. I ask them how they’re doing and offer positive encouragement and ideas to help fuel and inspire them.
Don’t let yourself sit and feel sorry for yourself, there are plenty of people you can uplift to get yourself thinking positively!
6. Don’t be too proud to ask for help
Don’t go at it alone. Ask a friend to come over and watch a movie. Don’t spend all your time by yourself when you’re trying to get over someone because it allows your mind to wander. Unless you’re doing something like reading and enjoying it, it’s a good idea to be around your friends when you’re really trying to get over him.
If you’re really feeling depressed and having trouble forgetting about him, there is no harm in reaching out to a counselor or therapist to talk it out. This can be super helpful because they deal with this all the time and know how to help you structure your time and shift your thinking.
7. Hang with your single friends
You will do well if you get out of the cave your house has become, pull the covers away from your face and start to play. Be a kid again and forget about him!
You don’t need to talk about him with everyone, you need to leave the past in the past and go out and have fun! I’m not saying to go out and party, I’m saying go out and hike, get involved in activities, join a book club, go to seminars, host dinner parties, take an art class, do things with people.
It can be fun to hang out with your single friends because they will remind you what it’s like to have an eye out for a guy. The way single people carry themselves is just slightly different. It’s like they are open to possibilities.
8. Open to possibilities
The stories we tell ourselves are very important. If you tell yourself that you’re depressed and it’s really a difficult time, it will be! If you tell yourself, this girl is back in the game, got her head on straight and is ready for some fun, that will be the story you believe!
Our internal dialogue can bring us up from the depths of despair and actually shift us to feel very excited about the possibilities that await us. Putting yourself in situations where you can meet new people is a great way to open yourself to possibilities. Join in on excursions and put yourself out there, what do you have to lose?
9. Make opportunities to meet people
Tell me if this makes sense. A woman sits at home, sad that she is single. That’s like an oxymoron. Why would she waste time being at home around no one then? She needs to make a list of places to go, call some people up and get out there! You won’t meet people if you stay home all the time.
You need to think about looking at people in public, starting conversations with people and smiling at people. You need to try to get out of your comfort zone, my dear friend, and don’t wait for people to approach you.
If you’re acting like a princess locked up in your tower, I’ve got news for you, prince Charming is easy to find, if you unlock yourself from the tower and do what most normal single people do, be social.
If you haven’t been single for a while, you may feel uncomfortable at first, but your social skills will come back and you’ll feel comfortable in no time. Just go out and be interested in other people’s lives. Don’t feel like you need to meet Mr. Right, just mingle and stop worrying about everything!
10. Girl, get to yoga
Finally, because I’m a yoga teacher I am extremely biased about the amazing benefits of yoga. This is mainly due to the fact that it really works and gets you positive. People use yoga to get over things. It’s a great way to have a mentor guide you through the process of self-empowerment. Remember, you don’t have to be alone when things are rough, get to a yoga class twice each day and your life will transform!
Yoga will help to release endorphins that make you happy and it will build your inner strength. It boosts your confidence and helps you lose weight and tone your muscles. It helps you feel like you don’t need anyone to make you happy.
I find often that the people I have the hardest time letting go of are the people I want to be more like. Once I realized that, I knew I needed to focus on changing myself, not trying to get someone back.
Another thing that can really help is putting things into perspective. Have you ever really missed someone that really wasn’t all that great? Maybe he didn’t even treat you well and you’re wasting time missing him. He might have actually been bad for you and you’re in denial about it.
Sometimes when something ends, it’s like we have dodged a bullet. If you didn’t feel secure with him and felt like he never really fully committed, chances are you did dodge a bullet and you’re way better off now!
If we have been rejected, usually it’s just our ego that hurts. Why do we feel like we have to be special? If someone wasn’t vibing with us, it doesn’t mean we aren’t awesome, it just means it wasn’t meant to be. Talk to your ego and let go of self-importance. Often missing someone is more of a reflection of our own egos trying to handle being hurt.
Hey, there are more fish in the sea and plenty of good looking ones, so don’t cry over spilled milk.
Get yourself used to boosting your mood with upbeat music at home, in the car, and working out! Upbeat music really helps shift your mood from gloomy to bubbly and you don’t even have to do anything. Pretty soon you’ll be dancing and thinking about dressing up instead of wearing those awful old sweat pants. Fun times await you; all you have to do is invite them in.