It can be hard to get over being lied to, especially when it’s your boyfriend who did the lying. After all, this is the guy you love and rely on to be honest with you. This is the man who you should trust with your body and your mind and your heart. Having him lie to you is absolutely devastating.
So is it possible you could ever learn how to trust your boyfriend again? Yes, you could.
It’s important to remember that he’s only human, and humans make mistakes. Sometimes a lie can be necessary in order to protect your feelings and sometimes a lie can be a way of covering up a mistake that he deeply regrets making.
I’m not saying that it was okay that your man lied to you, the truth is always better. I do think that it is possible to put things in perspective and try to work past this if you feel that the relationship is worth it. Here’s how to move beyond the lie and back into trust.
1. Be honest about your feelings
Many women make the mistake of hiding what they truly feel about their lover’s lie. Don’t hide what you feel. Be honest with him and tell him how much you hurt, and even more importantly, tell him why it hurts so much. Tell him it will be a long time before you fully trust him again.
Be honest, don’t just say “it’s okay” and then harbor all those negative feelings. You have to own up to them so that you can be able to forgive him.
2. Take a needed break
There’s a lot of tension in your relationship right now, I’m sure. That tension will only keep on building if you’re forcing yourself to spend too much time with your boyfriend after this situation. It’s okay to spend a few nights at a friend’s house and clear your head.
It’s okay to take a break from each other and let the tension and anger settle down. Trying to force a fake calm is much worse than just giving yourself a little time away from each other.
3. Pay attention to his actions, not his words
After a lie, your boyfriend’s words will not mean much to you. You’ll constantly wonder if he’s lying again or if he’s just trying to say the right things so he can keep lying to you in the future. You will have a difficult time trusting his words, so pay closer attention to his actions. If he’s actually doing what he says he’ll do to make things right, then trust his actions.
4. Take your time
Don’t feel like you have to be in a hurry to forgive your boyfriend for lying to you. This isn’t a race to clear your emotions. Trust takes time to build, and even longer to rebuild after it’s been broken. Take the time you need to rebuild your trust.
Neither you nor your boyfriend should expect this to be okay overnight. Depending on what the lie was, it could take weeks or even moths to get over this kind of situation.
5. Give each other space
Your first instinct might be to be with him every moment of the day so you know he won’t be able to lie to you again. When he is away from you and out with his friend’s you’ll likely pace the floor worrying whether he’s really where he said he’ll be or if he’s lying to you again. You’ll want to avoid the worry and just go with him everywhere.
On the other hand, he’ll want to rebuild your trust so much that he’ll insist on being with you everywhere, too, so that you know he is where he said he’ll be. This isn’t going to help your relationship. You have to still go out and do the things you did before, you have to continue having separate interests and give each other breathing room.
6. Let him prove to you he’s trustworthy
Many women refuse to let their man prove to them they won’t lie again. It’s not that you do it on purpose, it’s just easier not to trust than it is to actually give someone trust. Don’t let your own fear jeopardize your relationship; instead, give him the chance to prove to you that he can really be trusted again.
7. Set some guidelines
After someone breaks your trust, there will be questions and fears, but there will also be some very serious concerns surrounding the situation regarding the lie. For example, if your man cheated on you with a co-worker, then you will without a doubt want him to stop working with that woman.
If your man lied to you when he was out with his friend (a friend of questionable character), then you will want him to spend less time with that friend. Don’t be afraid to set up some guidelines so that he has the chance to work on building your trust.
If he really wants to keep your relationship and rebuild the trust, obvious and logical requests such as this will not be a problem for him and he’ll be happy to make that sacrifice.
8. Believe in him
Finally, if you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship after your boyfriend has lied to you, then you have to actually believe in him. Remember that nobody’s perfect and people make mistakes, remember that your relationship is worth fighting for and trying again. Believe that he is the man you fell in love with and he really wants to prove that to you again.
Open your heart and allow him in, otherwise nothing he ever does will make you trust him again. A relationship takes two people, through the bad and the good times, so believe in him and believe in your relationship.
Wouldn’t you want him to believe in you?
Have you ever been through similar situations? You can share your experience and advice in the comments.