This has to be one of my favorite stories from the last year and a half. It’s a funny story of how I met my friend Lizz. Lizz and I met partly by chance and partly by the pure stupidity of a man. I’ll try to keep it short and to the point.
I had been seeing this man for a few months. I liked him well enough. He was great on paper, but something was always missing for us. Our personalities clicked, but something about him didn’t feel right. Things were comfortable, but none of the things that I expressed earlier this week that I do when I really like someone happened in his case.
He was moving away for a job and things were getting weird. I assumed it was because he was going to be away, because one thing I did think we had was brutal honesty… but I was wrong.
About a month after he moved, I attended the Landmark Forum. I had an amazing first day with a bunch of breakthroughs and decided to call one of my really good friends and share this with her. She happened to be on the phone with him (they both recently moved to the bay so I connected them), and she patched him in on three-way.
Bummer, cause I wanted to talk to her about a different guy I had been on and off with for the past year (I’ll talk about that more some other day)… but I digress. He mentioned how his friend Lizz was also doing Landmark that weekend. I hadn’t met her at that point, but I mentioned I would look for her the following day.
Saturday came along and Lizz got up and shared. I texted the guy and asked if his friend Lizz was tall with curly hair and he said yes. Asked me a few questions and I said I would call him during one of our breaks. I did just that and during our call said I was going to look for her and introduce her. His voice got a little nervous and he asked me why I would do that… hmm.. cause you said she was your friend, and I’ve met a bunch of your other friends.
I walked up to Lizz and a second girl and introduced myself. I’m Ravid.. ____ friend!
Who? She asked.. “Ha ha.. ____________ friend” I replied. And the girl sitting next to Lizz says “Oh, the guy you’ve been seeing that you’re not sure if you like?”
Interesting! “When were you seeing him?” I asked. She gave me the dates and we crossed timelines. I told her I was seeing him too at the time and we started comparing notes. When he hung out with her vs me. When we had s*x, etc. etc.
The break we had was short so we decided to sit next to each other during the next session and proceeded to have dinner that night and the next day.
Lizz and I realized we had so much in common and we were having breakthroughs in our lives because of Landmark that automatically made us closer to each other. One of the things we had in common with one another; Neither of us could convince ourselves that HE was a good one. Just that he was good on paper and we forced the situation because of it.
We both went on to cut him off, but gained a really amazing friendship out of it.
Often as women, we automatically get mad at the other woman, we blame her and we get angry with her, when the man is the one at fault. Sometimes the other woman turns out to be a lot like you. People do have “types” and we fit that type.
I’m not saying that the other woman will always turn out to be one of your really good friends at the end, especially if she is knowingly trying to hurt you. But sometimes that other woman may become someone you can appreciate in your life. So don’t be quick to judge her, or talk shit about her. Have a real conversation with her. You may have more in common than just him.
P.S. The title other woman is exaggerated in this piece. Since neither Lizz nor I were officially with him, she wasn’t officially the other woman, but in a world full of no official titles, it fits the context of our relationship.