Though there may not be one definitive way to check if your partner is cheating, you can still keep your eyes open for some of these telltale signs. By Michelle Escultura
Whenever you’re in a relationship, there will always be that slight fear that you may be in one with a chronic cheater. And that fear isn’t unfounded, either. Just imagining your significant other romancing some other person is enough to make you cringe.
So the question now is, how can you find out if you’re dating a cheating liar?
The worst part about this whole deal is that some cheaters become so good at hiding their secret that by the time you find out, it’s already been happening for a while. Those of you who have already been cheated on may already know the signs. But those who have never had to deal with a cheater may be completely clueless. [Read: Everything you need to know about emotional cheating]
How to know if you’re dating a cheater
If you have a nagging thought that constantly leaves you wondering if you’re being cheated on, use these 9 surefire ways to find out the truth.
#1 You’ve caught your partner in a seemingly unnecessary lie. You ask your partner where he or she has been, and the response is – in the office. But upon going online, you see a tagged photo of your partner at a bar someplace. Now even if you’re pretty permissive and you’re okay with letting your partner have a few drinks before heading home, you’d wonder why lying would be necessary.
The reason behind this may be that your significant other doesn’t want you to know exactly where they’ve been, lest you suddenly show up while the “third party” is there. Basically, any suspicious little lies should be enough to get those alarm bells ringing.
#2 Your partner seems distracted lately. There are tons of reasons why people may seem distracted, ranging from work to family to just feeling overwhelmed with everything. But if your partner doesn’t seem to be struggling with work, and everything seems okay in every other aspect, what could possibly be causing this?
Some cheaters, try as they may to hide it, may be distracted because they’re confused with what they feel. They may feel guilt, but they also don’t want to give up their other relationship. They may be scheming about how to go about the next tryst. It’s also a dead giveaway if your partner doesn’t seem to want to talk about what’s going on. [Read: 18 signs that tell you your partner is having an emotional affair]
#3 There are sudden changes in the way your partner dresses. Your partner may have altered the way they dress based on the compliments you give. For instance, you may love it when your partner wears simple clothes like jeans and a t-shirt. But when she suddenly dons frilly dresses and sky-high heels or he’s suddenly looking very formal for no apparent reason, something might be up.
Now, instead of dressing based on what you say you like, your significant other may be getting all dressed up based on what the other person likes. And this doesn’t have to be something you see for yourself. It’s possible that your significant other has an entire costume to be used only when meeting up with the other lover.
#4 Your significant other is spending more. Keeping two relationships running at once can be expensive, especially if either you or the third party has expensive tastes. You may be wondering why your partner seems to be worried about money or seems to be able to save less. It’s possible that in order to convince the “third party” to keep a relationship with someone who’s taken, your partner has decided to use expensive dinners and gifts.
Now although rummaging through your partner’s trash, receipts and credit card statements may be a breach of privacy, it may show you that your partner has been spending money on things that you don’t even know about. If by some chance, you happen to find a receipt for an expensive hotel dated for a night when you thought your partner was doing overtime, it may be time for a confrontation.
#5 Your partner has friends who cheat. If your partner always hangs out with a person who’s a cheater, there’s a higher probability that he or she will pick up this behavior. For one thing, constant exposure to something, no matter how bad it may be, can make them think that it’s okay. Another reason having a cheating buddy can be influential is the fact that it shows your partner the tricks of the trade.
Though you can’t force a person to sever ties with a close friend, you can express your misgivings about not wanting your partner to be in the company of a bunch of cheaters. But if you notice that they’re always hanging out, it’s still possible that they’re using each other as alibis. [Read: 10 types of friends you wish your partner would avoid]
#6 Your partner is suddenly super secretive with gadgets. Back then, you were able to just grab your partner’s phone and play games whenever you feel like it. But now, it’s either password protected or it’s never in an accessible place for you. What gives?
One tip for women: most guys aren’t into texting each other. They can make plans in 30 seconds flat. But if you notice that your guy is constantly texting his friend “Dave,” you may start to wonder why. Another thing that would be suspicious is if “Dave” always seems to be using girly emoticons when texting your guy. This may be proof enough that “Dave” isn’t actually a guy.
As for men, sweet messages between women can be quite common. But you have every right to be suspicious if your girlfriend’s friend “Melissa” seems to always be asking to meet up without any sort of proof such as pictures or tagged status updates.
#7 Your partner is suddenly nervous when someone calls or texts. The reason people have phones is so that they can communicate with other people, so why the sudden jitters? Does your partner always seem uncomfortable whenever his or her phone makes a sound? Does your significant other have to be out of earshot whenever they’re picking up a call? Do you never get a clear answer whenever you ask who called?
If it’s the boss, the mom or a friend calling, there’s no reason to hide it from you. So if your partner goes to pains to keep the identity of the caller from you, then something must be up.
#8 Your partner always blames you for things. Whether it’s something trivial or not, the blame always seems to land on you. Cheaters may be quick to tell you that something is lacking in your relationship, and this can then be their reason for cheating on you. This alleviates the guilty feeling by turning the tables around and turning you into the reason your partner was pushed into cheating.
Though blaming may be a sign of other relationship red flags, it’s still possible that cheating is the reason behind this. Don’t let the cheater convince you that it’s completely your fault. There are so many things that can be done to solve these problems, and cheating is never one of them. [Read: 15 toxic relationships you should get out of now!]
#9 Your partner cheated WITH you. There’s an old adage that says, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” This can sometimes be true. If you were once the paramour, then you know that your significant other was able to carry on a relationship with you despite already being with someone else. There will always be that nagging feeling that what your significant other did with you can be done to you, too.
Our advice here is to try your best to not get involved with anyone who is in a relationship, no matter how optimistic you are that they would never do the same to you. It’s already established that your significant other is a cheater, so what’s stopping them from doing it again with you? It’s a hard pill to swallow, but in cases like this, it’s better to be with someone who doesn’t seem to have it in them to cheat.
[Read: 18 sneaky ways to catch a cheating partner]
Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen to you in a relationship. But by keeping these signs in mind, you can prepare yourself for the worst, and get out while you still can!