Save yourself the trouble of an ego-crushing heartbreak of going after a crush who’s clearly not into you by checking for these 9 telltale signs! By Michelle Escultura
9 Quick Ways to Know if Your Crush Isn’t Into You
Having a crush on someone is a remarkable feeling. Just seeing them around is enough to make your heart skip a beat. At some point, you may find it in you to initiate contact, whether it’s just a quick passing conversation or an invitation for coffee. [Read: 15 tips to make your crush notice you]
However, having a crush can be a one sided thing. Sure, you hope that he’d be as interested in you as you are in him, but your optimism may blind you. There may be signs that you’re missing that would lead you to believe there’s a sliver of hope that he’d like you back.
The problem with this is that it may take you a while to realize that the guy you’ve been baiting isn’t even remotely interested in you.
How to know if your crush isn’t interested in you
So before you make an emotional investment in this new guy, check for these signs that he may not feel the same way you do.
#1 You don’t click in person. For you, it may seem like simply having a nice online conversation with this guy is proof enough that your feelings are reciprocated. A conversation is a two-way street after all, right? But even if he responds to your online messages, how sure are you that you do click in person?
One surefire way to check is to listen to his real life responses. Are they monosyllabic responses? Does he simply answer your questions? Does he just nod and smile politely without encouraging the conversation to go further? This may be bad news. It might mean that he’s not enjoying your talk as much as you are. [Read: 15 conversation starters you can use on your crush]
#2 He takes forever to respond to you. Talking to a guy you like in person may be a little overwhelming. So to soften the blow, you engage him in conversation online or via text. That way, you’ll have something to talk about when you decide to finally have that real-live conversation.
But what good is setting up a virtual foundation if you almost always feel like you’re talking to a brick wall? Not only does he take hours to respond, but his responses may also be vague. It’s like waiting for hours and even days just to get a guy to say, “Cool” or “Alright.” If a guy likes you back, he’d make it a point to keep the conversation going. If he’s not into you, a single word response to keep you around is enough for him. [Read: 11 flirty text messages to send to the guy you like]
#3 His body language says no. Body language says a lot about the person we’re talking to. Simple hand gestures, arm placement and eye movements can easily show you if the person you’re talking to is invested in the conversation or just wishing for it to end.
Body language signals that show a lack of interest include eyes that constantly wander off to other things, a body that’s positioned away from you *with the shoulders facing you* and arms crossed across his chest. If his stance always conveys a lack of interest, then you know it’s not good news. [Read: 18 body language cues that say he’s into you]
#4 He’s only around on short notice. Women these days have worked up the courage to ask a guy out. And it’s for a good reason too, since it allows you to make the first move if in case the guy you like is the shy type. So when you’ve asked your crush out for lunch or coffee, how does he respond?
You can tell that he’s not interested if you get a vague response like, “Let me check my schedule” or “We’ll see.” You, in the hope that he’s just playing hard to get, would wait around for his response. But at the last minute, he finally says yes to your pseudo-date, which is supposed to happen in a couple of hours. This could mean that he waited until the last minute to say yes to your invitation because nothing better came up.
#5 You don’t get past small talk. It’s perfectly normal to have a crush on someone whom you find physically attractive. After all, you may think to yourself that his looks are a bonus, and getting to know more about his personality will follow.
But how much do you really learn about him by the time you’ve had a couple of conversations? Do you know about his dreams, his hopes for the future, and what he’s into? Or do you just know about what he does, what he thinks of the weather and where he’s headed when you happen to have that conversation? Settling on just small talk means there’s only a small chance that he might like you. [Read: 13 conversational tips to make your crush fall for you]
#6 He talks about other women. Possibly one of the most surefire ways to find out if a guy doesn’t like you back is when he talks about other women. And we’re not talking about Emma Stone or Angelina. We mean he’s talking about women that he could potentially be going out with.
There’s no fault in thinking that this might just be one of his tactics to get you to step up, lest another woman takes him away. But once he starts saying that he just went out with this girl or that he’s buying flowers for her, then it’s a done deal: he’s not into you. Also, when he casually mentions that he’s talking about his girlfriend, then it’s definitely time to back off.
#7 He talks more about himself, and he’s not interested in what you have to say. When you like a guy, you’d hang on to every word he says. This is how you learn that he’s interested in cars, in video games, in sports or whatever it is that your crush likes. It may feel like he’s spilling his heart out to you and you may, of course, relish every word he says.
The problem with this is that you may get so caught up in what he says about himself that you fail to notice that he’s not interested in what you want to talk about. Whenever you attempt to mention something about yourself, he looks bored or he tries to steer the conversation towards something that he finds more interesting… which is anything else that would require him to talk and you to just be the recipient of what he’s saying.
#8 He bolts at the first sign of trouble. So let’s say you’ve gone past small talk and you’re able to have actual conversations. Great news, right? It’s like the universe is working on putting up the foundation of what can be a solid relationship.
But what happens when you mention something that can cause trouble in the end? For instance, you mention that you have a crazy ex, that you live far away or that you’re into completely different things? The guy who’s not interested will most likely just leave you hanging because he feels that pursuing anything with you will just cause problems later on. In short, he’ll only be in it if things are sailing smoothly. If he sees anything less than calm seas, he’s out of there!
#9 He treats you like he treats his friends. Some women like to be treated like a bro. That means being invited to typical guy-centered events like sporting matches, nights out at the pub or gaming night. A lot of women genuinely enjoy being included into their crush’s inner circle of guys.
The problem here though, is that he may be treating you like one of the guys. So that means there are no special favors like saving you a seat, giving you special attention or driving you home. The good news is that he treats you like one of his close friends. The bad news is that you’re getting further from being his romantic interest: welcome to the brozone! [Read: How to avoid being stuck in the friendzone]
[Read: 17 reasons the guy you like hasn’t asked you out yet]
When you have a crush on someone, you may find yourself looking for any sort of sign that he’s interested in you. The problem is that you might be so blinded by your attraction that you can’t see that your crush isn’t interested. Spare yourself the trouble by coming to terms with this and moving on.